


We Keep Trying To Talk About Us

by ktfics



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Apologies, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-New Dangan Ronpa V3, Pre-Relationship, vr au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 21:25:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18558163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ktfics/pseuds/ktfics
Summary: For the first time since they woke up, Kaito allows himself to just be honest.“You’re the reason I died.”---Kaito and Maki finally have a much-needed conversation.





	We Keep Trying To Talk About Us

**Author's Note:**

> This was written out of the combined need to call out Maki, examine her relationship with Kaito, examine her relationship with Ouma, examine Kaito's relationship with himself, and to give Ouma both an apology and some goddamn friends. So here's the result of all that lol. I hope it's decently in character, but with how these three were written in game, it's bound to be a little OOC. Either way, I hope you enjoy, and if you wanna talk oumota and kodaka's shitty writing with me, follow me on my tumblr @dykeenvy!

Group therapy always ends up becoming a battlefield of clashing personalities. Each session starts out polite, everyone meekly recalling their behavior from the previous week, before inevitably snowballing into a shouting match between two or more people. 

Some confrontations were to be expected; Iruma regularly screamed at both Ouma and Gokuhara in the beginning, until one session she had broke down crying mid-rant and nonsensically apologizing for only God knows what. It was clear that her problems didn’t actually lay with either boy, considering she still regularly ate meals sitting next to Ouma, but with what the game had done to them.

Chabashira had bitterly yelled at Shinguji a few weeks in, but she had lost steam when the boy had merely nodded in agreement and promised to keep his distance from the entire group. She still occasionally made a remark at his expense, but even Chabashira couldn’t entirely blame the other boy for what Team Danganronpa had turned him into, not when everyone knew he could barely keep a meal down on good days.

Other arguments, however, were less expected. One week, Akamatsu had angrily cut Saihara off as he once again issued a defense for her attempted murder. Although Amami hadn’t once blamed Akamatsu for the actions she took to end the game, every time someone even vaguely alluded to her as a killer, Saihara would cut in with how Shirogane was actually at fault. It seemed Akamatsu was just as mad at herself for thinking she would have ever been able to end the game with more murder as she was at Saihara for looking at her like a saint. Although Akamatsu had huffed an apology when Saihara began to tear up, the two had kept their distance ever since the event. Whether that distance was healthy or not was anyone’s guess.

Yumeno would also occasionally lash out at both Chabashira and Angie, though even she seemed confused why. She seemed to oscillate between being mad at both girls for their influence on her and being upset that they didn’t pay enough attention to her, though they all seemed to be attached at the hip whenever Kaito saw them together. Yumeno would regularly apologize for her outbursts and Angie and Chabashira would be back at her side as soon as they were allowed, but that didn’t stop her from getting frustrated all over again a few weeks later.

Still, they were apparently talking through their problems each time instead of just ignoring each other, and that was better than Kaito could say for most of them. Hoshi would sometimes shoot Tojo a bitter, almost resigned, look, before waving off her desperate apologies and turning away.

This week, Harukawa has seemingly decided that Ouma is going to be the targeted recipient of her wrath.

She’s been going at it for the last twenty minutes at least, and every time their therapist attempts to shift the topic or get them to productively talk to each other, Harukawa will interject with another biting remark. Kaito has no idea what’s got her going so hard, but he suspects it has something to do with his own recovery and the fact that she caught him coughing heavily after chasing Ouma through the common room earlier.

Though his body is technically 100% healthy, sometimes his lungs seem to forget they’re not actually ill. There’s nothing life-threatening about his condition anymore now that they’re back in the real world, but the doctors say it’ll be a little bit before the psychological stress leaves him and he can function completely normally. It’s frustrating as all hell, but at least he can consistently walk.

Ouma’s nerves apparently got fucked by the combination of death by poison and crushing, and some days all he can do is lay in bed, wracked by spasms and phantom pains. Other days, there’s nothing wrong with him beyond a lingering soreness. Watching Ouma go from walking around and looking perfectly healthy to not being able to get a single limb to obey him as he clenches his teeth in pain is almost more frustrating to Kaito than his own injuries.

Both he and Ouma seem to have come to the mutual understanding that the best thing to do about any pain they’re in is to ignore it, which Kaito is eternally, and almost embarrassingly, grateful for.

Shuichi and Maki keep hanging on him and asking him if he’s alright, and though Kaito had enjoyed the attention they gave him and the way they thought of him as a hero before, he finds the image doesn’t quite fit right anymore. A lingering thought in the back of his mind thinks that maybe, it never had. The jealousy and frustration and resentment over everything that had happened in-game simmers underneath his skin and threatens to bubble out and over his tongue every time he speaks.

Kaito thinks, maybe, he was never a hero. Kaito thinks, maybe, what he wanted was not specifically to be a hero, but for his weakness to dissipate underneath the shining of his own smile. Shuichi and Maki worry over him and idolize his bravery during the fifth trial like he didn’t fucking kill someone and Kaito wants nothing more than to slip out from under their gaze and relax. Ouma allows him to chase him around like a hero and when Kaito needs to stop for air, Ouma waits and allows him to be human.

There are two parts to him and Ouma accepts both; there are two parts to him and Shuichi and Maki don’t really know either one. It’s all very confusing, really, and while Kaito would normally pride himself for his intelligence, he’s always preferred to solve a problem in one go. Every morning that he wakes up and doesn’t recognize himself, his frustration grows, until Kaito feels as if it’s a living thing sitting on his shoulders only getting heavier.

Kaito listens as Maki continues to yell at Ouma, and he remembers how Maki had been willing to let them all die just to kill Kokichi. He remembers how Maki had seemed to change after spending all that time with him and Shuichi, and how convinced he was that she was anything but a killer. Kaito remembers listening to everyone mourn him before he had even died, and he remembers how relieved everyone had been to find out that he wasn’t dead, no, he was a murderer instead. Kaito remembers dying a hero even as he was being executed, even as the boy that had laid dying in his arms just a few hours ago was berated for daring to take action.

Kaito is frustrated and restless and more than that, he’s sick of listening to everyone pass the blame around like it’s going to do anything other than aggravate their old wounds. He vaguely realizes just how tired he is of everyone looking at him with puppy dog eyes every time he expresses any sort of guilt for the blood he had splattered in the hangar, as if he doesn’t still have nightmares of the sounds Ouma had made as he died, as if he isn’t supposed to. Kaito wants desperately to be able to express any sort of emotion other than reassurance.

And so, he scoffs.

Maki is cut off mid-rant and Ouma, who hasn’t replied to her once this entire session, turns to look at him with those porcelain doll eyes of his open wide. Kaito has never heard Ouma defend himself, he realizes. Kaito has never heard anyone actually talk about what caused the events in the hangar without immediately blaming Ouma, as if the boy had been hoping for a grand finale and not for the game to fizzle out with seven survivors instead of three. Kaito thinks he may be the only one that sees Ouma as human, though that sentiment could also be reversed for the two of them.

“I’ve heard enough of this, Maki Roll. C’mon, it’s not worth repeating this shit again, it’s not good for anyone.”

“He basically killed you, Momota, I’m not just going to let him off the hook for everything he did.” 

Kaito can practically see Harukawa level her crossbow at Kokichi again from across the room, and all of a sudden, he’s back in the hangar and realizing just what an assassin is capable of all over again. He wants this to end, he wants her to love herself and be able to live with her actions but more than anything, he knows that she has no idea what she’s done.

Maki has no idea what she did and how much he believed in her and how much she hurt him and for once, he wants to be the one that says something ugly. For once, he wants to not have to be the bigger person here. He’s always been scared of this before, but for the first time, he actually wants to know if she’ll believe in him in return when he’s the one being honest.

He knows she’s never actually going to be able to forgive herself for her crimes if she never stops leveling them onto someone else, but more than that, he just selfishly wants an apology. She had sentenced him to death and then repaid him with a confession, and he really wants her to stop being in love with the mask he had presented to her.

He wanted to see her get better but he wasn’t in love with her, and he’s pretty sure that the only parts of him that she’s in love with are the ones that made her feel better. He’s tired of living just to make everyone else feel better. He thinks back to all those times he had spoken about space and how she had so obviously tuned him out. She doesn’t want his personality, she wants someone to make her feel human, and what she never realized was that he just wanted her to be able to do that for herself. He decides that it’s time she finally figured that out, and it’s not his fault if Maki decides that he’s no longer interesting enough to be around because of that. For the first time since they woke up, Kaito allows himself to just be honest.

“You’re the reason I died.”

The room goes dead silent, save for the sound of Kaito shifting forward in his seat to look Maki in the eyes.

“What?” The look of shock on her face would almost be comical, if not for the circumstances. But Kaito’s not done speaking, and the irritation that has been mutating inside of him since he woke up a human being after dying a hero starts to climb its way out of his throat.

“You fuckin’ heard me. I’m not defending Ouma for stringing us along or anything, but the game was over. He fucking told us the game was over and you still came in there looking to kill.” 

Maki’s hands clench and unclench as she looks between Kaito and Ouma nervously. “I get that you’re kind of slow, Momota, but the flashback light was used to manipulate us. The mastermind-”

“Stop- stop fuckin’ calling me stupid!” Kaito attempts to take a deep breath to steady himself, but all of a sudden he’s seeing red. All of the worst parts of himself that he had shoved down deep during the game have begun to spring back out with a vengeance, and he can no longer hold back. The hero’s mask falls off of his face and Kaito is left with a lot of anger and very little composure. “How many other people saw that fucking flashback light, huh, Maki Roll?”

“That’s not fair, I was targeted-” Maki tries to defend herself but there is nothing left to stop Kaito now that he’s gotten started. He jumps to his feet and clenches a fist.

“Oh, you want to talk about fucking fair? I was doomed to die right from the start, and I still didn’t try to fucking kill anyone! You want to talk about fair, huh, well I’ve been more than fair to you! I reached out to you again and again and you kept pushing me away and being rude as all hell, but I didn’t care, I thought-” Kaito swallows and attempts to shut himself up, but he can’t help opening his mouth again. “I thought if I could just get to you, I could prove to myself that maybe the world was still good. That I was a hero, and that things could become good if you just believed hard enough.”

Maki’s face scrunches up in an expression he’s never seen on her, but Kaito continues. “I had to sit there during that trial, leaning away from the microphone every other minute to hack my goddamn lungs out, and listen to you talk about how you’d be willing to kill us all just to kill one person. As if any of us deserved to die in that shitty situation! And then, and then, I had to stand there and smile right before I was about to be executed to try and make all of you feel better about fucking up our chance to end the killing game _again_!” Kaito throws his hands up, exasperated and on the verge of throwing up. God, his head is dizzy. He just wants to be able to make things make sense again by talking loud enough, but this isn’t making anything better.

“Whatever. Whatever! I guess I was wrong! I guess the world is a shitty place, and people aren’t good, and no one gets what they deserve. I’m not a hero, and I’m sure as hell not a martyr, and I wish you all would stop looking at me like I am one! I fucking killed someone, someone that died to try to end all this. I’m not a hero, and I’m not fucking in love with you. Sorry it’s such a shitty story, but I guess that’s what happens after the scriptwriters leave.”

Kaito is finally cut off when he feels a tiny hand tug at the hem of his shirt. He looks down to see Ouma giving him that same serious look that he did back in the hangar, brows furrowed in concern.

“Momota-chan, I think it’s time for you to breathe.” Kaito gasps in air like he’s just emerged from drowning, and looks back to Maki.

She’s crying. He’s made her cry. He can’t do that, he’s not supposed to-

“I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” For a second, Kaito reels back like he’s the one that’s been struck and not Maki. The other girl just squeezes her eyes shut tight and doesn’t spare another second before fleeing the room. 

Kaito just stands there, momentarily paralyzed, before following after her. In the back of his mind, he can hear Ouma’s feet run after him as well.

“Maki Roll, wait up!” He chases her all the way back to the rooms they’ve been staying in. She attempts to close her door on him, but he manages to push his way in right before she can, with Ouma just on his tail.

And then the three of them are alone in a room together, completely silent save for the sounds of Maki’s muffled crying and Kaito’s exhausted panting. For a second, Kaito thinks he really may be stupid, charging in here after her like he really is some kind of hero rescuing a maiden and then having no idea what to say. Finally, it’s Ouma that speaks.

“So. I feel like we may have some things to talk about.” Kaito runs his hands down his face, and he feels more drained than he did when he first woke up from the simulation.

“I shouldn’t have said that, I-” The words come out of his mouth all strangled, and he desperately wishes for the brazenness he had worn like a second skin in-game.

“No, you’re right, I was stupid for thinking I could be-”

“Jeez, you’re both stupid!” Ouma cuts both Kaito and Maki off with a huff. “This is where honesty gets you, you know.”

Kaito groans. “Ouma, I swear to god-”

“You’ve got to ease into this kind of stuff! If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that telling the truth all at once just leaves you all raw.” Kaito takes a second to really look at him then, remembering the moment Ouma had let his mask drop and everything after. If he’s not a hero, then Ouma’s not a villain, and Kaito knows by now that he isn’t just trying to be mean here. He’s got a point; letting out everything all at once had just left both him and Maki upset.

“Okay.” He breathes in properly this time. “I’m sorry. I’ve been… scared, for a while. And I can’t really pretend anymore that I’m not. This world we’ve woken up to is shitty but… you’re not. You're not the problem here. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, I’m just so fucking frustrated.”

Maki nods, and shakily reaches a hand up to wipe away any traces of her tears. “I’m sorry too. I’m also scared, I guess, and I never really thought I’d be somewhere where it was safe to feel again. I just…” She looks down, hands tugging at the ends of her pigtails. “I care about you, Momota. Even if you don’t love me.” Maki mirrors the deep breath Kaito had took a few seconds prior. “Even if… I don’t love you. I thought I did, but things have been so different now that we’re out of the game, and I didn’t know if I could still care about myself if I didn’t have you.”

Kaito nods, relieved in some way that all of their flaws are out in the open. “I care about you too, Maki Roll, but I don’t think I can love you like that. Especially after knowing all that shit was just… written for us. It never felt real, did it?”

She shakes her head. “I guess not… But I think I might still need time to figure that out. If that’s... if you don’t want me gone, I mean.”

“Of course not. I just... need a little bit of space, that’s all.” The room is silent for only half a second after they've said what they need to.

“Whelp, I’m glad you two figured things out! Time for me to be going-” Kaito turns to look at Ouma.

“No, hold on! I need to say this. I’m sorry for killing you. I’m sorry for treating you like shit, and I wish things could be better between us. I think they still can be. I know it.”

“I’m sorry too,” Maki interjects. “I mean, you were obnoxious, but I’m sorry. For the violence. And trying to kill you.”

Ouma fidgets from where he stands. “You know, I actually think I hear my phone ringing from the other room so I better-”

“Ouma.” Kaito makes sure the other boy is looking him in the eyes. “You did fucked up shit, but so did everyone. You didn’t deserve what you got more than anyone else did. You understand that, right?”

“I couldn't believe it when I realized you wanted to save us. I don’t think anyone could. I know I didn’t want to. But you did, and you deserve some kind of credit for that.” Maki looks almost resigned in what she’s saying, but she’s as firm in her beliefs as she always is.

“Okay.” Ouma’s face goes through a roller coaster of emotions before it settles on one that isn’t quite as blank as he had managed in the game. He looks a little sad, maybe, or unsettled. Kaito hopes he’ll be able to read the other boy better, one day. “Yeah. Okay.” Ouma puts on a cheeky grin then, and Kaito knows he’s gonna regret the next words out of his mouth. “Sorry for, y’know, being rude sometimes I guess, and also making everyone so depressed they wanted to kill themselves, and also kidnapping Kaito, and also manipulating Maki into thinking she’d killed him, and also-”

“Jesus, Ouma, don’t phrase it like that.”

“A good plan is a complicated plan!”

“Pretty sure a good plan is supposed to be simple enough to understand-”

“Well, it was simple enough for you to understand it, right-”

“Are you two done yet?”

Maki rolls her eyes at their antics as she scolds them like children, but Kaito could swear he sees a smile fighting its way onto her face. The three of them leave the room together, Kaito putting his arms around the other two and ruffling their hair as they both pretend to be disgusted by his contact before leaning into it. 

They may not be his sidekicks, but he’s pretty sure they could all unite and work well together as partners one day. 

Ouma suddenly snatches one of Maki’s scrunchies right out of her hair before dashing forward and daring them both to catch him in the game room, and Maki darts after him with her hair now freely whipping behind her.

Maybe. Eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!


End file.
